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As you can see, today's title is kinda random in every single sense and nearly undecipherable; in the practical sense that you can't make a wack out of it.
Reason for that is actually theres been alot of things in my mind lately, haven't been able to sort them out at all due to unknown reasons.
How do I put it in simple terms? Basically, you feel infuriated, suffocated and exhausted. Your mind's constantly buzzing with alot of thoughts, thoughts that you can't get hold of read them as they swarm around your head.
Not making sense? Hmm, let me think. Basically, theres alot of things going in your mind but you can't get a hold of what are they? Yeah, THAT.
Before I go on and drone about alot of random nonsense that's in my head, I shall give you all something fresh and surprising to go on about:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9-CS2v8wcc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7vWPRw9fgQ
Y'all have to watch it in order though, otherwise the effect I wanted on you guys wouldn't be there.
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Second thing before I jump into that pool of random thoughts, let us all; religious or not, take a minute or two. Pray for those affected by the natural disaster in Taiwan. The typhoon, mainly. (Yes, don't talk about the bad connection. The undersea cables are severed.)
Bless them man. (The victims duh)
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Blogging has really becoming a habit for me recently. I'm actually managing 3 blogs! Haha, 2 chinese and 1 english. Why 2 chinese? Well, one is kinda like, the public one. The other is sorta my private journal.
And yes, you could've guessed it. I've blogged quite alot these days in that private blog. But that only helped so little with my random thoughts.
Exams in these 2 weeks. Just settled MOB today. Glad that I've got it over and done with; despite only memorising 3 chapters and reading through another 3 (or so. heh)
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Ever waking up at any random day, then suddenly feeling the 'you' on the previous day (thats yesterday, duh) is childish?
Recently, I've been getting that alot whenever I wake up on the next day. Not to mention that I've been waking up, with this feeling that theres this sense of emptiness within me. And that hole is ever-growing, sucking my very being into that void.
I've walked to school, walked to place, walked back home. My mind elsewhere, my body on seemingly auto-pilot with destination.
I've also been feeling this, sense of loss. Its kinda unexplainable. I can't put a finger to it, to why did everything suddenly turn out this way. But as you can see, everything seems to be meaningless to me. I seem to lose that very meaning in life. I don't know where I want to go, what I want to do.
I've been looking. Looking for that calling. What I've been placed in this world to do.
Singing? Music? Acting? Business? Healing?
I don't know. Everything that I've tried doesn't seem to be within my means. (In other words, I don't seem to have the talent for it.)
To find out that calling, I even went to sought divine help. (My family's buddhist. I'm a self-proclaimed atheist.)
But if there was any hint given to me. I didn't catch it.
Alright, need to get to bed already. Nearly 3 am, and I've got to wake up at 8 am.
Take care everyone
Friday, August 14, 2009
It seems that its been quite some time since I've updated the english blog! Haha, been updating alot on my mandarin blog. There are quite alot feelings and emotions that cannot be expressed through english, I think. (Or so, I feel.) How's everyone? (If theres actually anyone who visits and read up this blog.) I'm somewhere between lost and fine. My health's gradually recovering. Been sick for the past month. (yes, I'm relying on my own antibodies to recover! No medication!) First semester of Polytechnic tertiary education is about to end. Just need to go to school for four days for a span of 3 weeks! As for me. I can find that little willpower to study now. I can feel something (Like, finally!) rousing inside me. That little sense of urgency and willingness to mug. Been watching dramas lately. And the playing of some games. (Xian Jian 3!) Been feeling hollow inside of me every since I've done watching the show. I've been really wondering what's going on with me nowadays. I can be on the way to the MRT, and without knowing. I stepped onto the platform of Jurong East, then Dover, then suddenly I reached the school's foodcourt. Trance, kinda. Or auto-pilot. Haha. Shall end this post here. Hopefully will update soon!
Monday, August 10, 2009
@ http://www.wretch.cc/blog/wdream Kinda lazy to even c/p here. HAHA