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The dream I had this morning. Somehow, it just felt like... It really happened. And that a span of.. I don't know, months, or years passed in the dream (Inception much?). I didn't make this up, this dream's content are fuzzy, but definitely what happened. Throughout the dream, I probably cried. I'm not sure if it happened to my actual body, or its just me in the dream. But I definitely felt the tears. (And no, it wasn't some air-con water or rain, or somebody's drool. My door was locked, my bed's far from the air-con) And well, hmm... I don't remember the extreme-fine details, but basically. It seems that I had a.. Girlfriend, lover, whatever. And that we were together for a period of time, and... suddenly she, I don't know, moved overseas or something. It seems that I tried to look for her, but it was like finding a needle in a haystack. I didn't manage to find her. After, god knows how long, and being miserable for that whole span of time. One day, she came back to where I was living. And all I knew what happened after that, was hugging her so tightly and felt like everything's right again. Odd dream huh. I know the ending was something good, cause I remember waking up after that (or awhile more after that) and felt the warm and fuzzy feeling. But right now, I feel sad. As if my heart's crying (chest feels heavy symptom). Odd. But seems like its a good dream.
So, I went to a shoot yesterday to be an extra. Did practically nothing because of a migraine killing me. And honestly speaking? The way this is going, nothing's gonna work out like we wanted. Its going to end in a way that it's so horrible that it'll most probably leave a bad after taste. Whatever. So as I was saying, I had a bad migraine. So I went to sleep -pretty- early. And this morning, I had the sweetest dream I ever had in my life. Which is pretty odd, considering that the dream-scape I had, has nothing to ever to do with anyone I know, nor anything I'm thinking about - which is pretty awesome. Though I admit, it was probably damn sad in the beginning, cause I think I felt my tears flowing (in sleep, yes. lol oh lord). But the ending to it? Sweet stuff. Really sweet. (Y) Alright. Time to end this update.
sick and tired. sick and tired. sick and tired. sick and tired. sick and tired. sick and tired. sick and tired. sick and tired. sick and tired. sick and tired. sick and tired. I'm really sick and tired of everything.
Moody, unmotivated, distracted, lethargic. Thats what that seems to be haunting me these days. I can't feel anything positive as well. Stay-over and drinking wasn't a good day for me either. Well, it was good for everyone else, so I guess its good. Nothing matters, nothing gets through. What a depressing post. I guess theres really nothing for me to put into words anyway. And finally, as usual, Ryan Cabrera's On the Way Down's lyrics really suits my mood now.
several months flashed passed. many things has happened. its been a tornado of experience since the year has begun. camps, studies, bonds, meet-ups.. bonds.. how long can they last? what kind of bonds have I forged so far? What have I gained after all these? It seems that.. as usual, I'm forgotten. Might be presumptuous of me to say, but it seems that everything has just left me behind. Did I start it? Or am I simply forgotten? Are bonds simply that weak? Or what I've been experiencing are all artificial? I don't know, nor do I understand. Am I the one pushing them away? ..Many things on my mind. It seems that my eyes betray me sometimes. Somehow.. I just feel lethargic from everything in life. ..Life.. Huh.
Somehow, no matter where I go, I feel small. I feel I'm just an existence that's not supposed to be there at all. It feels like, I'm only there to fill up that small gap or silhouette of something almost insignificant, and that even with me vanishing, nobody will take note of, or care about. A shadow huh.. Somehow, it feels like my blog's slowly becoming a place for my inner monologue to surface. As if I haven't had this before. I have inner monologuing all the time. Blah (Which is kinda why sometimes my posts looks contradicting) Have I achieved what I wanted? Everyone don't seem to know what kind of person I am. Isn't this what I've always wanted? Am I having an identity crisis? Am I questioning my very identity? What do I want? What am I aiming for? Why am I so powerless? Why? Why? Why? I seek the answers of many questions, questions that I seem to be unable to attain an answer from. Sometimes, I just feel that I'm in a place where I shouldn't be.
migraine, a prelude to a sweet dream.
4:54 PM
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
sick and tired.
11:14 PM
Monday, September 6, 2010
nothing.
5:04 PM
Friday, September 3, 2010
flashbacks.
7:38 PM
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
overshadowed.
4:00 PM