Peace. Was what I thought, throughout the entire month, after my trip from Bintan, after many hectic schedules, many affairs and thoughts of the mind and the heart, that I can at the very least get my much needed sleep everyday and by heartened by the fact that I can finally sleep in proper timing and beaten the huge war against insomnia.

I was wrong.

Fate, of all times, dealt me a card that I wasn't expecting. Fine. I took it and although I'm still struggling to deal with it, Fate decided that it should hit the iron while it's still hot, and had to fuck my sleeping schedule up. What card did it deal again this time? The Mum.

Tonight was really one wreck that I had hoped to avoid at all times. I smiled myself to sleep with my wishful thinkings and managed to sleep almost immediately. 2.30 am, I was roused by a one din created by such brainless group of hooligans yelling here and there without a single consideration for the people who needs their sleep to work their brains. Their idiocy never failed to amaze me as I cussed a string of coarse language before slamming my windows close.

I grunted, and switched on the air-conditioner and went back to sleep. Another 30 minutes passed and guess what? Its like internal war that slammed right in my house and I slept through the first 15 minutes of it. Mum had to pull my brother out of the bed and start yelling at him.

All that stupid yelling and shit, fine. She got her point acrossed. But she had to repeat like millions of times. Its like a broken record that kept repeating itself. 

I, who wasn't even involved, listened through her crap outside at the dark living room and guess what. I was annoyed and pissed. I mean, not just at the fact that this bloody din continued on and on and woke the hell out of me. 

I was pissed with the way shes just venting all her shit at my brother, who had to support the whole household. So what if he forgot a thing or two? Did you have to force him to the point of mental breakdown when hes barely standing?

Of course I've to speak up. I said in a loud and clear voice about what shes repeating and repeating, and clearly that it was more than enough, and it should stop.

Wow, she had to go all crybaby on me and walk to her room, and said a string of mean stuffs.

So what, now I'm the bad guy?

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Seriously, all her life, despite reminding us about EQ, shes the one who's lacking all of that? Who the hell, rouse their sons in the middle of the night, yell the bitch out of them, when one of them are working in a way where he doesn't even get more than 5 hours of sleep?

I seriously fear for the sanity, mental health and physical health of my brother.

This is one fucked up family.

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I can't believe my family is at a point where -I- have to make a point and hold it up when they are down. Seriously. Whats with this? Wasn't I supposed to be, and always be, the kid around? Why do I have to be the authoritative figure that has to come out and stop this kind of verbal abuses? (Note that if I ever had to stand up and do this, this is really bad.)

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I'm one tired wreck of a person now. Not only I have to deal with my own problems, I've to deal with administrative matters with the school in a few hours and next week. And I have financial liabilities to boot, and a couple more of other problems that god knows when I'll be done with all these.

It really made life all the more torturous for me. Isn't that one struggle enough to kill me? Why do more problems have to add on to the nonsensical pile I already have to deal with?

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I can't believe I'm whining again. Seems to be doing that a lot these days. But lets just say one thing, after that few peaceful days of sleeping at decent timing, the insomnia is back.

Gee, thanks Mum. Thanks for not choosing the peaceful way out, and drive the whole family to a situation where we can't rest properly. Thanks. Because communication is definitely primitive and we have to yell at each other to our points across, thanks.

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I'm really broken now. Thanks.