Pretty much after I'm done blogging yesterday, I headed straight for bed. It's been really, really long since I last lay on the bed and fell asleep immediately. (Well, apart from camps. It's not exactly 'bed' material you know.)

Woke up 9 hours later, nearly 10 hours since I knocked out. Well, apart from being really groggy and still feeling kinda tired, I feel good. (Y)

Guess exhaustion, anxiety and stress comes together causes irregular breathing/breathing difficulties. I need to make a mental note about that.

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Thoughts. I feel more capable of penning down thoughts now compared to yesterday. Pretty much why I deliberately left the topic half-baked on the previous post. Guess now that I'm more well- rested, I should pick up what I left off.

"Love" is really a funny thing isn't it? Well, I can't really say it's "Love" for me since it's one-sided. Mine is more like "feelings".

Well, whatever the term, its really a funny thing.

It makes you anxious and concerned over that special someone. At the same time, it makes you a paranoid. You tend to think too much, even if you make very conscious effort to stop it.

Well, even when you do manage to stop it to a certain extent, you feel a need to talk about it. I'm not sure about anyone else, but I find it a need to have a platform to talk about it. Be it blog, or really close friends, its important.

It might be because I'm inexperienced when it comes to this kind of thing. But at least now, I'm faring way better the last week, where many bad things happened to me and I'm practically doing nothing but sitting down there staying depressed. (Y)

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But coming to a realization about your own feelings is a whole different thing. When you stop denying the existence of it in you, and accept that fact, you realized the way you see that special someone changes.

When you talk to her, you tend to listen seriously. (Could be a good or bad thing) But you tend to pick up things that doesn't matter at all; over-sensitivity and paranoia symptoms.

Positive thing she says, makes your day. Negative thing she says, you get all depressed. This is a part that was pretty difficult for me to handle. But I guess at the very least for now, I'm able to control this. (Y)

Everything she does tends to mesmerizes you. Well, at least that happens for me. Maybe the way she sings, the way she plays an instrument, the way she seriously do things. Well, you tend to see her in a more positive light than others. (I know, it kinda sounds stalker'ish.)

You tend to want to see her or talk to her frequently. But when you finally see her or talk to her, half of your brain juices disappears. And more than half of it cannot be talked about; because those are your problems or your feelings. This part is the one that I really dislike.

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Well, there are many more things. But I kinda forgot about them. Maybe I'll write about it in future.

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I know my situation well, and that many things are impossible. Even though deep inside me, I wish it was something that at least I can work with. But all I can do now is just keep mum about it. There is no other options.

Unfortunately, in my case, its very much one-sided. It is something that shouldn't be talked about I guess.

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Oh, I weighed myself when I walked past the gym in school during camp. I lost weight :O

I lost all the weight I gained in Bintan and an additional 2 kg \o/.

Then again, it was cause I had bad appetite for the past weeks. Need to start eating regularly. Ugh

Well, thats all for now. I pretty much expended my brain juice on this one. Orz.